I’ll start by saying that I knew I was in trouble when I picked her up and her back was wet. . .
I had a “mommy moment” today. By that, I mean I had a situation that really ingrained in my brain that I am a mommy. . . and I need to get use to it. I have had a couple of these. For instance, last Friday I went to lunch with some friends. They were passing the baby around (after all, that’s what “the girls” do at lunch with a baby). When she got fussy, they handed her to me. All my life, I have handed off fussy babies. Now, the fussy baby was coming towards me. Of course, I instinctively sprang into action and went down the list of things that will make her stop crying (which she eventually did). But later, as I reflected on that moment, it made me smile. Today did not arouse the same nostalgic feeling.
I was on the phone with Johnathan as I walked past Mallory in her swing. I sniffed the air and said, “Ooff, you’re a stinking girl.” I had seen her straining and grunting a few minutes earlier so I figured there was a dirty diaper waiting for me. I planned to change her real quick before heading off to Lindsey’s. No biggie. I washed bottles and went to pick her up. At this point, I’ll refer you to my opening remark. I thought it was odd that her back was wet, and then it hit me. This is going to be bad. . . really bad. Oh, I had no idea how bad it could be. I have seen my husband open her diaper and actually jump up and down yelling “ewww” before. He has stood over her and yelled, “How did you get it there?? Poop is not supposed to be there!!” I think that diaper pales in comparison to the carnage I saw today.
I laid her down on the changing table and started talking to her. She smiled a big ole toothless grin. I actually think she was mocking me (can a 3-month-old do that??). I unsnapped the onesie and went to lift it up. That’s when I saw that it had oozed. . . really more like “exploded”. . . out of the top of her diaper. It was all over the inside of the onesie. It was also coming out the sides of the diaper around her legs. My first thought was how in the world I was going to get the onesie off without smearing it all over her face (it was hard, but I managed it). Normally, I use the diaper to wipe off most of it. Then, I use a couple of wipes, put them in the dirty diaper, wrap it up in a neat little ball and throw it in the diaper pail. This time, there was no way the diaper was going to be of any help. I got a grocery bag and just started throwing dirty wipes in it. But the problem is that a 3-month-old is kind of wiggly. She got it on her thumb once. . . on her foot once. I pretty much had to clean her from head to toe and then the changing table. I actually had to get a Q-tip to clean out the child’s belly button. It was so nasty.
You know, at some point, she is going to be a teenager, and I am going to look back on this moment. . . and use it to blackmail her. ;)